Questions to Ask Before Getting Married: Three Topics for Engaged Couples

One of the first things I purchased after getting engaged was a book of 1001 Questions to Ask Before You Get Married. While I was very excited about our upcoming wedding, I was also excited about marriage.  With that said, I wanted to make sure I did all I could to encourage a healthy and stable marriage.  While my then fiancé and I both agreed to premarital counseling, I decided to get a head start with this book.  Each night, I would come to bed with the book and we would discuss one topic within the book.  I tell you, when both parties are honest, it makes for some pretty interesting conversation.  Let’s review some of the bigger topics everyone should discuss before getting married.

questions to ask before getting married

Career

We spend the majority of our times at the office.  In addition to monopolizing our time, our careers are also how we provide for our families.  Before marriage, it is a good idea to gain an understanding of career plans and other aspects that could possibly affect your future as a married couple.  Some examples are:

  • Who will be the bread winner?
  • What happens when it’s time to start a family?
  • Opposed to a stay at home mom or dad?
  • Ideas on work/life balance
  • Retirement Plans

Money

One of the biggest causes of divorce is money.  Planning a wedding is very expensive.  If money is not managed well, it is very easy to start out your life as husband and wife in the red.  Get a head start and sit down and map out your financial future.   Get a clear understanding of all budgets, financial goals, hopes and aspirations for property and even discuss how the family will approach banking.  This is by far one of the most important topics to cover before your big day.  To get your mind going, here are a few items to consider when discussing money as an engaged couple:

  • Income
  • Credit Score
  • Philosophy on Saving
  • Discuss Debt
  • Establish family Budget
  • Family Banking Arrangement

 

Sex

While money is one of the biggest issues leading couples to divorce, sex can lead to other issues which can destroy your marriage.  Sex can be a wonderful thing.  Well, no, sex IS a wonderful thing when it is between a man and his wife.  Although sex is no longer “bad” once you are married, a lot of people often shy away from this topic.  People shy away for several reasons but one of the biggest reasons is fear and/or shame.  Talking to your mate about sex is the first step to a fulfilling and beautiful sexual relationship.  Sit down and open up to each other about desires, concerns and expectations.  If you are unsure of a starting point, check out the tips below:

  • Frequency
  • Concerns or Issues
  • Fertility Issues
  • Sexual Infidelity and Avoidance
  • Keeping the Fire Burning

There are several books available online and in stores providing tons of questions to ask before getting married.  While it is great to get a head start and start reading these books and answering these questions with your sweetie, these books should not serve as “premarital counseling”.   We have not even begun to address all of the topics an engaged couple should discuss.  Instead use these books as a tool while you are completing your premarital counseling.  I can honestly say I truly enjoyed our premarital counseling sessions.  I learned some things about my husband that I never imagined.  While there may be topics that are a little uncomfortable, completing this counseling BEFORE the wedding helps couples avoid several painful “real-life” lessons.  Do you have any concerns about premarital counseling?  If so, share them in the comments section so that we can discuss them.

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